How to take leave from office.............

A guy urgently needed a few days off work, but he knew the Boss would not
allow me totake a leave.

He thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So, I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funnynoises.

My co-worker asked him what he was doing..?

He told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think he was "CRAZY" and give him a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked him, "What are you doing?"

He told him he was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple ofdays."

He jumped down and walked out of the office.

When his co-worker followed him, the Boss asked her, "And where do you think you're going?"

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark." :p

Bride of 21st Century

A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. She was asked to give a little speech.

She addressed as follows:

'My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family',
she said 'Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don't want you all to change your way of life, your routine.'

'What do you mean my child?' asked the patriarch of the family.

What I mean dad is:
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account.Those who used to clean should clean. As for me, I am here just to control your son!

********
This is called bride of 21st Century!!!!

A nice love story..

A nice, touching love story that happened in the
>
> Jammu & Kashmir(border) areas.
>
>
> The headman of a big tribe had a beautiful
> daughter,
>
> who fell in love with a boy who was an ordinary
> poor
>
>
>
> person. When the people of the tribe came to know
> about
>
>
>
> their love, they did not like it at all, and so
> began to protest
>
>
>
> about it. Now it happened that the two lovers left
> their
>
> homes for a happy future. The people of the tribe
> started searching
>
>
> for the two lovers but they could not find them. At
> last, they accepted
>
>
> their love and asked them in a newspaper to come
>
> back.The people said that if u both come back we
&g! t; will marry u, we
>
>
> accept that u loved each other truly. So in this way
> their love won and the age
>
>
> old attitude of the tribe took a beating. The couple
> went to the city for
>
> shopping for the wedding. He was wearing a white
> traditional dress, and was
>
>
>
> crossing the road when a car came and hit him and he
> died on the spot. The
>
> girl lost her senses. After a long time she
> recovered and accepted
>
>
> that her love has died. One night she was sleeping
> in her home with her
>
> family. Her mother had dream in which she saw a
> fairy. That fairy asked her
>
> mother to wash the blood spots of the guy from her
> daughter's clothes
>
>
> as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the
> dream. Next night the
>
>
> father saw the same drea! m, he also ignored it. Then
> when the girl had the
>
>
> same dream the next night, she woke up and told her
> mother about the dream.
>
>
>
> Her mother asked her to wash the clothes on which
> there were blood spots.
>
>
>
> She washed the spots but some remained. Next night
> she again had the
> same dream she
>
> again washed the spots but some still remained. Next
> night she again had
>
> the same dream and this time that fairy gave her
> last warning to wash the
>
> blood spots, else something terrible will happen.
> This time the girl
>
> tried her best to wash the spots, the clothes
> tore, but some spots still
>
> remained. In the evening on same day when she was
> alone,
>
> someone knocked the door, when she opened the door
> she saw the fairy at the
>
> door. She got very scared and fainted. The fairy
> woke her up..., and gave her
>
> an object, That awe-struck girl asked "what is
> this..? to which
>
> the fairy replied :
>
> ......"Washing Powder Nirma, Washing powder Nirma....
>
> Dhood si safedi.. nirma se ayye...
>
>Rangeen kapda bhi khil khil jaye.....
>
> washing powder Nirma..."
>
> I know what u are feeling now... But don't look
>

> for
>
> me... I'm searching
>
> for
>
> the person who mailed this to me...

To All Those who forward Chain Mails....

Dear All Chain Mailers,

I want to thank all you my friends and other unknown people who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2008.

Because of your kindness:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good only for removing toilet stains.

I stopped eating apples for fear that it might have been cut by a fruit-seller having an open wound on his hands & is suffering from AIDS.

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda , Singapore and Tokyo .

I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get sick from the rat shit and urine.

When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland .

Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..

Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else)! You can add your own notes based on your similar experience and send them to your friends.

If ORKUT deletes my account, it doesn't matter BUT PLEASE DON'T SEND me "Orkut is deleting accounts: Due to sudden rush..." Otherwise I'll delete my E-Mail account!

I have daily checked my ATM balance to see if Bill Gates has shared some of his fortune with me for sending those crap "BillGates is sharing his fortune'' emails but nothing happened...


No Thanks & No Regards whatsoever,
A Totally Frustrated Engineer.

Address proof card by Indian Post Office

Many working peoples often shift their houses. For them, it is difficult to produce an address proof issued by Govt with latest address.

Our India post (post office) has come up with a solution. Now you can get an Address proof along with your photo from India post.

Since the ID proof is issued by India post which is a central government organization, it is similar to Govt ID cards like Driving license, Voters ID etc.

It can be used for opening bank accounts, for getting telephone/internet connections etc. The scheme is already in use.

In Tamil Nadu, this service is currently provided in Chennai and Coimbatore where number of industries are high. For other districts, you need to enquire in the head post office of corresponding district. The total cost for getting this ID card is Rs.250/ (Rs.10 for application and Rs..240/- processing fee).

For more details enquire in the nearest post office and also visit the following links.

The Hindu, Chennai: http://www.hindu.com/2008/08/04/stories/2008080457650100.htm

The Hindu, Coimbatore: http://www.hindu.com/2008/12/09/stories/2008120950480200.htm

PJ of the Day!!

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, ' Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?'.

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

Use your brain & live like a lion

A little rabbit happily running through the forest stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a marijuana cigarette.

The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot... The rabbit says "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"

The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the little rabbit.As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers..... ..... . . "That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's high on cocaine!"

**************************************************

Why Is India Still a Developing Country ?

An Old Story:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.


New Indian Version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .

Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ' Bengal Bandh ' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the ' Grasshopper Rath '.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act ' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.

Arjun Singh makes ' Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice '.

Lalu calls it ' Socialistic Justice '.

CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley.

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ,

..AND As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!! !

********************************************
So who we need Grasshoppers or Ants?
***********************************************************

I Vote Nobody 49-O !!!

Did you know that there is a system in our constitution, as per the 1969 act, in section "49-O" that a person can go to the polling booth, confirm his identity, get his finger marked and convey the presiding election officer that he doesn't want to vote anyone!

Yes such a feature is available, but obviously these seemingly notorious leaders have never disclosed it. This is called "49-O".

Why should you go and say "I VOTE NOBODY"... because, in a ward, if a candidate wins, say by 123 votes, and that particular ward has received "49-O" votes more than 123, then that polling will be cancelled and will have to be re-polled.

Not only that, but the candidature of the contestants will be removed and they cannot contest the re-polling, since people had already expressed their decision on them. This would bring fear into parties and hence look for genuine candidates for their parties for election.

This would change the way, of our whole political system... it is seemingly surprising why the election commission has not revealed such a feature to the public....

Please spread this news to as many as you know... Seems to be a wonderful weapon against corrupt parties in India ... show your power, expressing your desire not to vote for anybody, is even more powerful than voting... so don't miss your chance.

So either vote, or vote not to vote (vote 49-O) and pass this info on...

Use your voting right for a better INDIA.

Loose Weight 5, 10, 20 kgs ....

One guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day.

So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying ' If you catch me, I'm yours.'

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there.

And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think. 'God, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time...' So he races back to the gym and says, ' I want to lose 20 more kg.'

' No problem,' says the manager. Again he is led to the large gym.

This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign.

' If I catch you, you're mine.'

Colours of India

Sitting in a blue line bus of Delhi, I was looking outside the window. Suddenly I heard a shreik of a lady. The lady was around 70 years old. She almost fell down when breaks were applied. There was a sudden silence.

No, it was not just the fault of the driver instead it was because of passengers. All the seats were occupied. so the lady had to travel in standing position. Few people gave her a hand to help her stand up. Other ladies and some old gentlemen started blaming the "New Generation".

"This generation don't know how to respect elders. They are always in hurry." said one of the lady. Another lady said " How will they learn moral values ... This is all because of Kalyug !!! an age of evil, these people eat pijja and other foreign food, don't wear ethical clothes... argue with parents".

One of the them offered her his seat. She sat down and thanked the boy. The boy had a bright shine in his eyes. He was just 18 or 19. He quietly went near the door. He had a slight smile on his face.

His positive vibes were spreading everywhere. The old people were watching him, and said " Nice boy. Atleast there are some good people still living"